Yes, really. Peculiar? I’ll explain; I have a 3 month old baby (almost 4 really, but I’m against rushing it) and though she is still feeding through the night, I am feeling a bit more “refreshed”. I’m remembering to brush my teeth now!! The first few weeks postpartum my dental hygiene was of no importance. Time as I knew it, did not exist. Now I’m brushing my teeth every morning and actually changing out of my pajamas, usually some old sweats, but it’s a step up from pajamas! Most importantly, I actually want to, and have sufficient energy to do so! That’s a MILESTONE in the world of postpartum. There are milestones for both the mom and baby, though, postpartum mom milestones are laughed off as comic relief. Alright laugh but don’t devalue it, it’s victorious!!
I would run frantically to the crib
The first few weeks I would wake up to feed her, burp her, change her, pace her back to sleep – but I would completely blank out on the last few steps. When I awoke, I was scared shitless I had fallen asleep with her and dropped her somewhere because according to my brain I had just finished feeding her (effects of sleep deprivation). I would run frantically to the crib and there she was peacefully sleeping – my heart continued beating. Those days of walking around like a zombie feel so distant, though they happened not so long ago. I am glad those days are over and yet sad they’ve slipped away so quickly. Such conflicting emotions. Don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly happy that she purposely smiles at me now and not at a random shadow on the wall! Heck, by tomorrow I’ll be saying “why is this kid taking so long to grow up”.
She is still a tiny thing, but I feel like she is slipping through my fingers like running water
diapers from newborn to size 2!
I’m drowning in emotion. It’s difficult to pinpoint, I guess it’s the hormonal roller-coaster that rides through the postpartum body. A mix of feeling proud, sad, immense-gravitational love, anxiety, joy – difficult to describe in a neat sentence, it’s a hot mess.
As a fitness professional I hold enough self-motivation and discipline to get myself to a goal on time. I’m proud of those skills, they have helped me greatly. Some days were more challenging than others. Some days I gave in to the exhaustion and that was okay, actually marvelous. I promised myself that I will try again the next day and keep trying – never stop trying – until finally I was able to regain my strength and mental clarity. I don’t recall where I’ve heard this “the days are long but the years are short”. I heard that with my first child and I didn’t relate to it until now, now it makes perfect sense. I’m holding on to every little second and making sure to relish in the present moment. Don’t let time slip through your fingers, capture what is important to you, be present and lather in it.
It’ll be okay Moms.
Stand Tall, Breathe Deep